Mexico Trip - finale

To all of our faithful readers, farewell. We bid you adieu with a fond goodbye and a reminder of what I learned on my journey…A to Z!

A) When people want to feel smart they read a smart book, wear a fancy outfit or act like a jackass.

B) Ammonia and sewage smell bad and make you throw up BUT, can lead to a better view of the pool.

C) Justin Timberlake, while a fine pop singer, cannot compare to a God-made thunderstorm of terrifying proportions.

D) Also, God makes GIGANTIC bugs. Seriously, a cockroach the size of a small child.

E) Warm weather vacations should come with these fashion warnings:

* If the string of your bikini becomes lost in the folds of your fat, you might want to reconsider.
* Nude pantyhose booties do NOT go with dressy high heel sandals and a skirt.
* If monkeys aren’t allowed at the pool, then banana hammocks should be banned as well. Especially, ones decorated with your country’s flag.
* When taking a nap on a deck chair all curled up in a tiny bikini, make sure you cover your business or everyone will know if you are brazilian.

F) Monkeys are soft to the touch and downtown Cancun is infested with drug dealers and pimps.

G) Sunshine makes you feel beautiful enough to walk around in a bathing suit and not feel self conscious (See item “E”)

H) The Mexican people are kind and can teach us a lot about doing quality work.

I) Why get one wakeup call when you can get two?

J) Shawna is a gracious and fun friend (I actually already knew that but I wanted to remind her that I know and appreciate it)

K) When you say “Pina colada, extra rum” – be ready

L) In Mexico, the beef tastes gamey but the wine tastes spicy and fabulous

M) In any language, hydrotherapy and holistic massage is spelled: AHHH!

N) Azul means blue not sun (thanks Hugo!)

O) Some American TV shows are actually better in Spanish – like Alf , Mork and Mindy – oh, and Facts of Life.

P) Karaoke brings out the hillbillies

Q) Running sandals can double as a perfect packing device for bottles of liquor

R) The best Mexican food is French fries with ranch and a side of chocolate cake…what? Room service 24 hours a day…COME ON!

S) Humid climates make your digital camera fog up

T) Tiny lizards will infiltrate your hotel room and scare the crap out of you.

U) High SPF sunscreen is always a good choice but sometimes you gotta throw caution to the wind!

V) Saying 26 things you learned is harder than you might think…um…um…don’t save the restaurant with the dress code until the last night because it WILL turn out to be the best food you had all week.

W) As a rule, if a creepy guy at the market asks you to go out dancing with him, say no.

X) Watching “Dora” can help you communicate with someone who only speaks Spanish.

Y) Because I love you…

Z) Being in a beautiful sun-drenched, flower-dotted, white-beached, all inclusive, 24-hour room service, hammock-patioed, mecca of relaxation doesn’t hold a candle to a 5 year old running into my arms and saying, “Mommy, I missed you – I love you!”

Yeah, yeah…now get back to real life! As always, it has been our pleasure to serve you!

Mexico Trip - el día pasado

It is with bittersweet rememberance, I post these pics of our last full day at the resort. I woke up around 10, made a pot of coffee, went out on the patio and watched about 100 dragonflies mill about in the courtyard.

It was actually quite overcast and cool today but we still hung out at the pool in desperation. It could be our last dose of vitamin D for a while so..backoff!!!





Oh..and we saw a monkey last night. I got to pet it. :)

Mexico Trip - Dia Seis

Ok, I know this is going to sound like a big scam and I’m sure my boss would do that hearty chuckle I very rarely get out of him BUT, instead of sending us to those cheesy 6 hour conferences at the local Doubletree how about sending us here, to the Moon Palace resort? I know, I know…but, let me defend my recommendation first:


The Moon Palace has the most incredible customer service and I’ve ever experienced. Their favorite phrase is “It’s my pleasure!” and by god if they don’t mean it or at least SOUND like they do. Can you imagine Americans trying to say that AND mean it? What’s more, they double-check everything. If you ask for a wake up call, they call at the requested time and then a customer service agent calls to make sure you got the wake up call.
I know…crazy, right?
When you order room service or a bottle of liquor, they call after it’s delivered to make sure you got it.
HUH?
They put your napkin in your lap every time you sit down, when you get up to go to the bathroom, they REFOLD your napkin and then wait for you to come back so they can put it back in your lap. It amazes and impresses me.

I wish I could feel that way about my job. Actually, I mostly FEEL that way but I don’t express it properly most of the time. Everyone says “Hola”, “Como estas” or “Buenos dias/tardes/noches”. And if you even TRY to speak Spanish they get very excited and give you a little extra attention. Not like Americans who giggle and disrespect people with broken English.

I’ve just learned a little about kindness and hospitality. I have tried to say thank you and tip generously to express my appreciation. Now…if I could just get OUR customers to tip…hmm…

Shawna has been in her conference from 8AM – 11:30AM and then 4PM – 6PM for the past two days so I’ve been sleeping in, waiting for her to come back, heading to the pool and then blogging or reading or chillin’ on the hammock in the afternoons until it’s time for dinner. It’s been a rough life for me…hehe.



We decided to lower our SPF application today. We’ve been playin’ it safe with 30 and 15 but today we dove headlong into 8 and 5. Let’s just say, it was not a smooth transition. We are both a bit crispy. I just took a shower and I’m sure the people next door wondered what all the howling was about.

There was an amazing thunderstorm last night! It lasted most of the evening but took a break from about midnight to 6AM. Around 6 though..WOW!! The loudest thunder I’ve ever heard right over our heads. It was amazing.

I think it might have been God weighing in on that Justin Timberlake thing. Show off…

Mexico Trip - Dia Quattro e Cinco - the pics

As promised, the pictoral proof of our perfect repose.

Mexico Trip - Dia Quattro e Cinco

Yesterday and today bear a striking resemblance. Why?
Because we discovered something wonderful. Interested?
Keep reading:

So, the resort where we are staying is called the Moon Palace. There are two sides to the resort.
The Sunrise side is the party side…that’s our side. Go figure.
The other side is called Nizuc and it is the quieter, more mature, newlywed side. All of our pool time has been at Sunrise thus far so we decided to venture over and check out life on “the other side”.

I have to say…I like how the other half lives.

The pool area at Nizuc is similar to Sunrise. Smaller, but with the same ammenities:
Swim up bar
Waitstaff aplenty anticipating your every whim
Hair braiding (we'll discuss that later),
Poolside massage and our favorite...
Awesome lounge chairs that sit in the water on this little ledge so just a bit of you is wet but it cools and soothes in the 90 degree heat.

The difference at Nizuc is the quiet. It's peaceful. Less tourists and kids, more couples and old people. That's why we love it. Quiet seclusion. It's the name of our favorite game.

We sat for about 3 hours in near silence. I say “near” as “Jimmy the Entertainer” was at the far end of the pool area Emc'ing a trivia show with the livelier guests. All I could hear was:

“Where…was the bicycle invented?”
“Africa?”
“Um…nooooo…not Africa.”
“Anyone else? You sir…China…good guess but nooooo.”

Jimmy was only midly amusing... lucky for him I had my iPod filled with inspiring tunes about God's creation and majesty helping me truly focus on what's important and relevant in my life.

*crickets*

Ok, ok...confession time:
You know what soundtrack goes well with Mexican heat and pina coladas (besides the obvious "mexican music")? Don't hate me...

Justin Timberlake

I know, horrible...right? Well, guess what? I'm on vacation! So, it's Justin, India Arie, James Taylor, and a special mix called "A Cure for What Ails You". That's what I'm listening to.

When I go to the meditation garden, I promise I'll take my worship music and ponder. :) Stop laughing, my mom might hear you!

Blogspot appears to be having issues uploading photos right now so this will be a "read-only" blog. As soon as it starts working again, I'll post a whole bunch of pics of our past two days in lazytown!

We miss all of you and will see you soon...

Mexico Trip - Dia Quattro...ish

Spent the night gettin' down at the discoteque.
Too tired to blog...manana, compadres. *MUAH*



Shawna says, "We're bringin' sexy back...you other boys just don' know how to act..yeeeah"

Mexico Trip - Dia Tres

As I stated in our previous blog, it was an "interesting" 24 hours but, some nice things did happen.
Here is photographic evidence that our day ended pleasantly enough....

Here we are at a lovely Brazilian restaurant where we sampled many kinds of meat pulled from a "sword" (huge skewer) and had a lovely chocolate mousse dessert. Also, when we arrived in our new room this evening, we found the following: towels fashioned into a bunny and a bottle of rum. It's MAGIC!

Mexico Trip - Dia Dos.Cinco

So, you know that feeling when you wake from a dead sleep and you swear you heard some really loud noise but you don’t hear it again and you think about it for a while but eventually you drift blissfully back to sleep? Well, this story is nothing like that.

We go to bed around midnight. We sleep soundly until about 3:45 when I awake suddenly to a horrific smell. Something I can only describe as 1000 old ladies getting perms in a sewer. It was an overwhelming scent that actually made me gag just laying there. Anyone who knows me, knows I have a super-nose. I smell everything and often a strong scent will give me an instant migraine. Well, this jumped straight to vomit. I know, it’s VERY descriptive but it was intense.

So, I try not to wake Shawna who was, I found out later, having a very vivid dream about getting a perm and I went out on the patio. I wanted to see if the air smelled this way too or if it was just our room. It was nice fresh ocean air outside so I stayed there for a bit. Shawna woke up and was worried about me. I think it took just a second for her to realize what was going on.

We called the front desk at 4AM to report a “bad smell”. Of course, the front desk staff was probably thinking – “Crazy gringas, never smelled the ocean before…”

So, they send the only guy on duty at 4AM. A young, Mexican boy who speaks like two words of English and who’s charge is to spray room deodorizer all over our room. Shawna sent him packin’ real fast. Our only option was to get dressed and go to the reception desk. We went down and explained that the “bad smell” is some sort of chemical spill or leak. They were extremely apologetic, brought us waters and immediately set us up a new room to lay our weary heads. We quickly packed a few things and made our way to the new room. Just as we lay down to crash, a violent wind whipped up and driving rain began pelting the patio. It felt like a tropical storm. I found out later it was, apparently, “a gentle rainfall”. We finally went to sleep around 6:30AM. It was a long, tiring, vomitous night.

We woke up at 10AM, went back down to the front desk, told them we would be staying in our new room and NOT returning to the old one except to pick up our luggage. They were extremely compliant with that request which, at the time, seemed too easy but when we got to the smelly room, we figured it out. They had all sorts of weird equipment out in the hallway and there were workmen in there doing lord-knows-what. Well, as you can imagine, we were ready for it to all be over. Our trip to Isla Meujeres was cancelled due to weather and that was just fine.

We took a cab into Cancun, went to Market 28 and found some great little trinkets.



As usual, Shawna got a tray full of food spilled down her back.
Alas…it seems to be her plight these days.

But…she LOOKS GREAT!!

Mexico Trip - Dia Dos

This is going to be mostly a picture blog because as Fred R. Barnard would say: "A picture is worth ten thousand words."

He did..look it up.

Anyhoo...here we go. We began our day at 10:45AM - what?
We are two mothers on vacation who rarely get to sleep in...it's been the best part of the trip so far.

Except for this:



And this:



Oh, and this:



Also, this:




Oh, and my lunch...damn - they know how to make ME happy, Black bean salad, pico de gallo, chips, mahi mahi and lime. Also, a pretty much constant flow of pina coladas. :)



This guy wanted to share my lunch but alas...I GUANA eat alone.


But...at the end of the day - we had some very strong rum-based beverages, ate mexican food, had a lovely Selena song presented to us by a mariachi band and watched a spectacle beyond description involving a mexican Michael Jackson impersonator. Oh yeah...it was a sweet, sweet train wreck.

For the hugest shock of the day: I have a....



Sunburn. Yeah...laugh it up, whiteys!

Mexico Trip - Dia Uno

It has begun. Operation Mexico '06 is finally here. We are on a giant American Airlines jet at a cruising altitude of 33,000 feet. Captain “Rick” got on the 'ol overhead and explained at length how because it was so early in the morning they would not be making many announcements, and that we would keep the lights low, blah blah…mountains, rivers…yadda yadda. The irony was blaring like a white trash radio on the 4th of July (pronounced “jooleye”). And then, he said “We will leave Orygone to head into Idaho” and I lost all faith in our captain. He can’t even pronounce the state from which the flight originated. It doesn’t bode well, There was a time when the title “airline pilot” meant something…something besides the drunk letch who flies the plane. But, that is a bygone era and we are smarter and more wary these days.
We all know a computer flies the plane anyway so, the drunk guy is really just for looks.
Oh, and to bang the flight attendants.

Shawna has been asleep since we took off.


It could have something to do with the 4 hours of sleep she got last night. My poor friend has had some bad luck lately.
She buys a new house weeks before our trip, finally gets moved in and starts to make preparations for her mother to come stay while she’s off in Mexico and BAM, the house springs a leak. Not a tiny leak like your dripping faucet but the mother of all leaks. In fact, I don’t think the word “leak” really does it justice. You know that scene in Superman where Jimmy is at like the Hoover dam or whatever and it starts cracking and crumbling and the really bad model is destroyed by gallons of fake water. Actually, the water is probably real but not river water. Or, maybe it IS river water but not actually flowing through a river while being shot in the movie. ANYWAY: Her “leak” was like that only not at the Hoover Dam, it was in an upstairs bathroom. Anyone who understands physics, or even is mostly not brain dead knows that water travels when it’s free to move about the cabin. So, it did – a lot. Water, when not constrained in a bottle or sink or tub can be, well, messy. It makes things soggy and eventually, they mold and stink and crumble. Like walls and ceilings. Oh, and water isn’t’ good for your electrical wiring either apparently, So, in the days leading up to our trip; her house sprung a leak right before her mother came to stay, contruction workers and huge drying fans are in her house most of the time (both of which can be loud and make you nervous while naked), and she’s dealing with the typical mother-guilt of leaving two kids at home while she goes to hang out in the sun for 7 days. Did I mention her best friend and her sister are pregnant and due any minute. Yeah, I think I’ll let her sleep.

My brother let me borrow his computer. It’s a kickass computer. A pretty white one with a wide screen and a built in camera…yeah, you know the one. The sexy one with perfectly weighted keys packing just the right amount of satisfying “click” to make you feel smart and important. That’s what we all want right? To feel smart and important. Here are some ways people in the plane are working on that:

1) A lady across the isle has a full ensemble of animal print clothing. I’m a little scared of her because she’s extremely tan and, I’m pretty sure, her hair is not real. The way that she feels important is her fingernails. They are extremely long, probably acrylics and they are decorated with Dallas Cowboys colors and logos. Her ponytailed boyfriend is also important with a Cowboy’s jersey and cammo shorts. I find them to be both smart and important.

2) There are about 5 teenagers in the seats ahead of me proudly wearing their FFA jackets. They are going to an agriculture symposium. Ok, I made that up because I don’t have any idea where they are going or what they are doing BUT, if you know teenagers, you can bet they didn’t offer to wear those jackets so…I like the word “symposium” and that’s what they are going to do. Anyway, they are important because they are on a team. They care about agriculture and animals and farmish type stuff so, good for them! One of the girls confirmed my suspicion that they were smart and important by informing her friend of the book she brought on the trip. “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” which she claims will make her highly effective. I brought a schlocky novel about vampires and a People magazine. So, I guess that means I will be fiendish bloodsucker from beyond the grave who keeps up on the grocery shopping habits of Britney Spears. I think I like that just fine.

3) There is this guy on the plane who I must confess I only saw for a minute in the aisle and really have no idea where he is in the plane but HE showed he was smart and important by calling the flight attendant a “witch”. I know, it’s close to Halloween, he might have been commenting on her upcoming costume ideas but I’m pretty sure he was using it in the “I might get kicked off the plane if I call you a bitch so I’ll use a word that sounds almost identical but is less inflammatory” sort of way. She asked him what he was doing walking in the aisle when we were getting ready to taxi. A fair question although, she probably could have asked it in a less combative way but, if I was a flight attendant I might be pissed off too. So, she asked him and he was pissed and he called her a witch, It’s really not a great story when you get to the end – sorta lost it’s steam. Oh well, you can win them all.

So, we are beginning our descent into Dallas. I suppose I will have to pack it in for now. I feel smarter and more important having written this all down. Now, I must drink some blood and figure out WHO Jessica is really dating!

Later that day...

We are in our beautiful, comfy room. There is a disproportionately huge jetted tub in the corner of the room and an awkwardly placed pillar between the beds and the vanity but, it's decorated funkily and there's a flatscreen on the wall so...it's all good. We have a little patio out back and a fully stocked liquor cabinet. Who could ask for more?

Oh, and we did our toes!